harley quinn and the joker: taking the shortcut to meet the one.
stop falling for the toxic kind.
Like any regular kid growing up, video games were a big part of my childhood. PlayStation, PSP, Nintendo—you name it. I had a PSP specifically for about three or four years, and I grew really attached to it. It was my little escape. I had a whole collection of games—Lego Indiana Jones, Wall-E, Lego Batman, Crash, and of course, Sonic. I was a huge Sonic fan.
A few days ago, I decided to revisit those memories. I downloaded an emulator that lets you play PSP games on your phone. Naturally, I went straight for my favorites—Sonic Rivals 2, Lego Batman, G-Force, Sonic Rivals 1, and more. Right now, Lego Batman is my favorite (it always has been).
In one level of the game, you run into the Joker and his lover, Harley Quinn. I’ve always been fascinated by Harley. Actually, I admired both of them. Their dynamic had me hooked. Their relationship intrigued me. As a kid, I never thought much of it. But now, I find myself wondering:
Is the relationship between Harley Quinn and the Joker just a comic book exaggeration of modern relationships? Maybe even the way love and hookups work today?
If you don’t know their backstory, Harley Quinn was once a psychiatrist, working to help patients with their mental health—just doing her job. One day, the Joker landed in her care, likely because he was clinically insane. At first, she treated him like any other patient—listening, diagnosing, prescribing. A standard session. But somehow, things shifted. She started seeing him differently. She fell for him. She fell in love with a man who was not only unstable but outright dangerous. A man obsessed with chaos, destruction, and Gotham’s downfall. A man locked away in Arkham Asylum alongside criminals like The Riddler and Mr. Freeze. And yet, despite all of that, she loved him.
The Joker, in turn, led her on. And with every session, she sank deeper into that love. To the point where she didn’t just love him—she reshaped herself for him. She rewrote her entire identity to match his. Because why would an insane man fall for someone who wasn’t on his level? So, she changed. She let go of who she was, embraced madness, and became his perfect match. And the Joker, in his twisted way, loved her for it. From that point on, their relationship was built on devotion—her devotion to him.
This dynamic, as exaggerated as it is in comics, reflects something real. Let’s say we have two people—Person A and Person B. Person A is completely in love. They’d do anything for Person B. But Person B has a type. Maybe they like someone more desperate. Or more composed. Or more intellectual. Whatever it is, Person A doesn’t fit that type. So, what does Person A do? They change. They mold themselves into whatever Person B desires. They alter their personality, their behavior, their essence—all in the name of love. And in the end, they get together. A perfect ending.
But is it really perfect?
This isn’t how love should work. We aren’t meant to bend and break ourselves to fit into someone else’s standards. I shouldn’t have to erase who I am just to be loved. I shouldn’t have to act differently just to gain someone’s affection. We aren’t supposed to be that flexible. We’re meant to be ourselves. And if someone doesn’t love us for that? Then they’re not the right person.
Independence and authenticity are the foundation of who we are. If you reshape yourself just to fit someone else’s ideal, then your authenticity disappears. You become a shadow of them instead of a version of yourself. So, ask yourself—would you rather follow, or would you rather lead?
Love should be about falling for people because of their authenticity, not how well they can adjust to meet our expectations.
The right person will love you for who you are—not for how well you fit into their mold. Instead of changing for love, let your authenticity attract the love that’s meant for you.